More Poetry
Here are two more poems, not connected with mathematics. The
first is a parody of Gilbert and Sullivan's Major-General
song, from the Pirates of
Penzance. The second is a snarky complaint about a word usage
I once found rather grating.
The Doctor of Philosophy
I am the very model of a doctor of
philosophy,
I argue trivialities with elegant verbosity
I formulate new doctrines that can set my students heads aspin
and count how many angels waltz and tango on the heads of pins.
In councils and committee rooms I never am denied my say,
I know that proper arguments outweigh conclusions any day
And when it's time to casually cite obscure authorities
I have no peer and all can hear my vast superiority.
From atrozine to zygotype I flaunt a great vocabul'ry,
My verbal jousts come charging faster than the US cavalry
In short for unexceeded intellectual pomposity,
I am the very model of a doctor of philosophy.
I am the very model of a doctor of philosophy,
humility would be for me an act of sheer hypocracy.
And like the moving finger's scrawl (you'll find it in Omar Khayam),
it cannot be denied at all how wonderfully smart I am.
With glorious detail hear me regale my colleagues endlessly,
about the life and habits of a slug unique to Thessaly,
but when it comes to keeping that appointment I made yesterday ...
Did I forget? Sincere regrets. Let's try again next Saturday.
A wondrous store of arcane lore is stashed within my cranium.
I have as much good common sense as grandma's prize geranium.
In short for unexceeded intellectual pomposity,
I am the very model of a doctor of philosophy.
I argue trivialities with elegant verbosity
I formulate new doctrines that can set my students heads aspin
and count how many angels waltz and tango on the heads of pins.
In councils and committee rooms I never am denied my say,
I know that proper arguments outweigh conclusions any day
And when it's time to casually cite obscure authorities
I have no peer and all can hear my vast superiority.
From atrozine to zygotype I flaunt a great vocabul'ry,
My verbal jousts come charging faster than the US cavalry
In short for unexceeded intellectual pomposity,
I am the very model of a doctor of philosophy.
I am the very model of a doctor of philosophy,
humility would be for me an act of sheer hypocracy.
And like the moving finger's scrawl (you'll find it in Omar Khayam),
it cannot be denied at all how wonderfully smart I am.
With glorious detail hear me regale my colleagues endlessly,
about the life and habits of a slug unique to Thessaly,
but when it comes to keeping that appointment I made yesterday ...
Did I forget? Sincere regrets. Let's try again next Saturday.
A wondrous store of arcane lore is stashed within my cranium.
I have as much good common sense as grandma's prize geranium.
In short for unexceeded intellectual pomposity,
I am the very model of a doctor of philosophy.
In Competence
It started in all innocency,
With no trace of malevolency,
But soon it came to prominency,
On every tongue won dominancy,
Oh! Save us from this pestilency,
With ever watchful vigilancy,
If you too feel no tolerancy,
For awkwardness in utterancy,
With no trace of malevolency,
A whispered word
Once seldom heard:
Competency.Once seldom heard:
But soon it came to prominency,
On every tongue won dominancy,
Now all you hear
From far and near:
Competency.From far and near:
Oh! Save us from this pestilency,
With ever watchful vigilancy,
Let’s exorcise
This word despised:
Competency.This word despised:
If you too feel no tolerancy,
For awkwardness in utterancy,
Heed this refrain,
The word is just plain
Competence. See?The word is just plain